Confessions and
advice by those suffering from depression
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Depression
Confessions and advice by
those suffering from depression
Depression Posts... By Megan - One Who Cares About You and the effects
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About Megan...
Life is a gift. It has been given to us to
enjoy to its fullest. Unfortunately, many of our decisions along
with those made on our behalf can take us off course. We should
live each day as a priceless wonder given to us for the purpose
of living, loving, and helping one another.
Megan wants to be a friend, confidante, and the author of articles
that affect each of us. While our world is changing everyday,
we are faced with decisions that can range from family to finance
and all that lies in between. Let Megan help you to find the
answers that will allow you to enjoy the gift that lies within
each day.
I’ve been feeling worthless for a long time.
My husband claims I’m lazy because I can’t get out of bed. At
night when he tries to make love to me, I have no interest. He
becomes angry and claims that since I slept all day, I should
be ready for his playtime. This has been going on for 3 years
and I’m getting worse. I’m ashamed to talk to a friend and wouldn’t
know what doctor to call. I don’t know how much longer my marriage
will last. I also think my husband is losing his patience and
I have not been able to describe how I feel. Has anyone else gone
through this?
I went through something very similar but it was shortly
after I had my first child. While everyone in my family
along with all of our close friends thought I should be the happiest
woman alive, I wanted to leave my baby and husband and run as
far away as I could. I’ve never been an irresponsible person but
I lost my will to exist. Perhaps, like others, I couldn’t explain
what I was feeling. Unfortunately, my husband had zero tolerance
and left me for another woman. My initial reaction was guilt that
ultimately left me feeling that my child would be better off as
an orphan. I still don’t know why but I turned to God. I wasn’t
someone you would consider religious but I too was ashamed. I
thought if I were going to leave this earth by my own hands and
ultimately meet God, why not try to do it while I was still alive.
I began seeing familiar faces in church who willingly shared their
problems with me. I guess that made me comfortable to share my
problems with them. And then it happened. I met someone from church
who understood what I was feeling. He had a similar experience
so we could both understand what ultimately was diagnosed as Post
partum depression. We continued to go to church, I found a great
Psychiatrist and we’ve been happily married for 4 years.
It sounds like you got lucky. I am still in a frozen mode.
I can’t explain my feelings to anyone. Because I feel worthless
and lack self esteem, people run from me. I don’t want
to meet anyone. I want to sleep all day. I don’t care about eating
and since I live alone, I don’t worry about showers, a clean house
or anything that a normal person would do. I have gone to a psychiatrist
and all I get was one medication after another. I’m tired of taking
medication and feeling no different. I’m almost glad that I’m
sad. Someone mentioned sex. I couldn’t have sex under any condition.
I have become totally detached from friends and family. I suppose
if I were married, I wouldn’t be. I’m not sure I really want help.
If you’ve been depressed you know that the last thing you have
is trust. I don’t trust doctors or anyone else because all I get
is, “I’m very sorry you’re feeling down”. Feeling down? I want
to die. If anyone has hit the lows that I’ve hit, help me understand
how to break this free fall.
I’m sorry you have let yourself free fall. I’m sorry because
I felt the same way. I had gone to several psychiatrists
and they all had the same story. If it wasn’t a new medicine,
they listened like they understood. How could they understand
if they weren’t depressed? I had one psychiatrist tell me that
he could empathize. What the hell does that mean? I felt like
a guinea pig. Every week was a new prescription. I knew the pharmacist
better than I knew my mother. Finally, I ran into an old friend
from school. I didn’t have to say a word. She knew I had changed.
We were close friends at one time so she was bold enough to ask
me what happened to that happy-go-lucky girl that she knew. I
told her that the person she once knew had died and I was trying
to bury the person standing in front of her. From nowhere, she
told me she was suffering from a cognitive depression. I’m not
sure she even knew what she was talking about but our suffering
was identical. The only difference in our lives is she agreed
to subject herself to electroconvulsive therapy or better known
as ECT. Plain and simple it was shock treatments. I had heard
about ECT but resisted. I don’t know why but I did. What she made
me realize was that if I wasn’t frightened to take my own life,
why wouldn’t I make one last attempt and pursue ECT. To make a
long story short, she became a sponsor to me as one has when they
go to AA. She persuaded me to go for ECT treatments. I haven’t
done it yet but I am seriously thinking about it. I know it’s
my last resort.
I’m happy to hear that someone else might be having ECT.I was at the bottom. I lost my family, job, home, and
friends. There was nothing else to lose. The slippery
slope had no bottom so before I took my final step. I got an opinion
on ECT. I agreed to go for it. Now, let me tell you the absolute
truth about ECT. Psychiatrists haven’t had it but they tell you
what to expect. Here’s what to expect. You are unconscious while
they place electrodes around your brain. They actually shock your
brain to a point where you have a seizure. It’s not a long process
and since you are asleep, you don’t feel anything. When you wake
up, you have forgotten the last week or two. On occasion, I have
regained that window of time that most people lose. When the procedure
is complete, you feel quiet and calm. In a few days, you begin
to feel like you’re getting better. Unfortunately, you have to
have these treatments as much as three times each week for a period
that varies. In my case, it was 6 weeks. There are still periods
of my life that I have forgotten but I am feeling better. I feel
like I can face my problems as long as I do it at my pace. The
downside of ECT is that you have to go back for maintenance. We
haven’t talked about that yet and quite honestly, since I’m feeling
better, I take one day at a time. It sounds worse than it is and
it did help me.
Wow, I don’t know what’s worse being deeply depressed
or going into a seizure. While I have given up hope, I don’t think
I could imagine having my brain shocked. I’m stuck on
the fact that again, the doctor never had it done to him or her.
I guess that’s why I like this site. I can talk frankly to people
who have gone through these experiences. And for me and because
I have no self esteem, I can hide behind a keyboard. Having said
that, I don’t know what to do. I don’t have any money and I don’t
have any insurance that will cover mental issues. The only thing
I’m sure of is the people who tell you what medicine to take or
try taking you back in time, don’t know squat about what you’re
feeling. I feel like I have been locked in chains and someone
has thrown away the key. I cry for no reason. How can you explain
that if you haven’t gone through a depression? I’m hoping that
someone out there can understand how I’m feeling so that they
can reach out for me and talk the same language that a depressed
person speaks. I don’t want to talk to a doctor. I need to speak
to someone who is or has been there. Can someone out there help
me?
Depression only know by those who suffer from depression. Talk
to others who either suffer from or have been cured of depression.
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The health effects of lead posion and all the
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