| Confessions and advice by those suffering from depression - One Who Cares. |
Depression Post #8 - by Anonymous You remind me of myself 5 years ago. I too felt disconnected from my family and friends. My family was very supportive but couldn’t help me. After watching me hide in my own cocoon, my husband hard of a well known psychiatrist where we both went for guidance. After 5 visits, I felt I was in group therapy talking about my past which always made me feel worse. The only significant thing that came from our sessions which had a hard stop at 45 minutes was that depression can be hereditary. My mother suffered from depression for many years before she passed away from heart failure. I started to feel like I was following in her footsteps and would suffer the same fate that brought her to an end. Bringing up the hereditary issue and realizing that in many ways I was like my mother, I felt a sense of hopelessness. I can remember crying all the way home. I knew that this slippery slope didn’t have a bottom so why continue to live? I was never a very religious person so I couldn’t count on a higher being to help me. A psychiatrist couldn’t relate to my issues since he never suffered from depression so I began to plan my end. One day, I passed a church and wondered if the answer was within those walls. I didn’t have anything to lose so I went inside. I was sobbing but fortunately, I was the only person in the church. I don’t even remember what I felt or said but I stopped sobbing and just spoke to a statue about what I was living with and what I was determined to do. You can call it crazy but I call it a miracle. I sat back and remained silent. The only way I can explain what happened to me was that all the suffering that was within me was drawn out and was slowly disappearing. From that day and for the next several days I forced myself to get out of bed and went to the same church. It became a ritual. I am not able to explain what was happening to me but I no longer feel sad or disconnected from the ones I loved. Instead, I began to deal with the guilt of the past by being a better mother and a better wife. I can’t say that I don’t still have my moments but I feel that I have more to offer alive than I would if I were to die.
Depression Post #9 - by Anonymous I’ve done a lot of reading about depression and I have never read anything about religion. In my case, I feel at least as bad as you did but I’m running out of time. And since I’ve never been one for religion, unless I get some help from someone out there who is at their end as I am, I have a plan that will rid me of this pain.
Depression Post #10 - by Anonymous You just used a word that I have been using with my psychiatrist but I never get beyond the word. You mentioned pain. How can a doctor who hasn’t suffered from depression understand the pain of depression versus the pain of a broken leg? They do even resemble one another. I’d rather break a leg than suffer the pain that comes with depression. The pain of depression is more intense. My doctor once said that I should find good in my life and used the analogy of someone dying from cancer. He asked me if I could relate to the pain that a cancer victim suffers. Naturally, I told him I couldn’t but for some reason, I said that pain from cancer is pain of the body whereas the pain of depression is pain of the soul. I think I confused him but I was sure of what I said. Psychiatrists give you medication for your, so to speak, pain but it doesn’t reach your soul. The suffering continues regardless of the medication. I found the medication for depression was one thing but the side effects were intolerable. How do you get rid of the pain of depression?
I never heard anyone express depression as pain of the soul but it makes sense. I’m not ready to throw in the towel. Not because I am having fun. I want to continue to find the answer. I’m trying new cures with the hope of getting back to where I was before this ugly disease hit me. As a matter of fact, I tried acupuncture as well as a chiropractor. Don’t ask me why. I just did. All I can say is that neither had any effect on my depression. The problem that I have is that I am determined to find a cure but as each method fails, I become more discouraged. I try my best to hold on. I’m not sure what other treatments are left. I wonder if anyone has had any success with treatment other than with a psychiatrist.
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- One Who Cares.
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