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Depression Confessions - Page 1

#1 - Posted by Anonymous

I’ve been feeling worthless for a long time. My husband claims I’m lazy because I can’t get out of bed. At night when he tries to make love to me, I have no interest. He becomes angry and claims that since I slept all day, I should be ready for his playtime. This has been going on for 3 years and I’m getting worse. I’m ashamed to talk to a friend and wouldn’t know what doctor to call. I don’t know how much longer my marriage will last. I also think my husband is losing his patience and I have not been able to describe how I feel. Has anyone else gone through this?

Please E-mail your posts, opinions and/or questions to Megan, at MeganCares@gmail.com

#2 - Posted by Anonymous

I went through something very similar but it was shortly after I had my first child. While everyone in my family along with all of our close friends thought I should be the happiest woman alive, I wanted to leave my baby and husband and run as far away as I could. I’ve never been an irresponsible person but I lost my will to exist. Perhaps, like others, I couldn’t explain what I was feeling. Unfortunately, my husband had zero tolerance and left me for another woman. My initial reaction was guilt that ultimately left me feeling that my child would be better off as an orphan. I still don’t know why but I turned to God. I wasn’t someone you would consider religious but I too was ashamed. I thought if I were going to leave this earth by my own hands and ultimately meet God, why not try to do it while I was still alive. I began seeing familiar faces in church who willingly shared their problems with me. I guess that made me comfortable to share my problems with them. And then it happened. I met someone from church who understood what I was feeling. He had a similar experience so we could both understand what ultimately was diagnosed as Post partum depression. We continued to go to church, I found a great Psychiatrist and we’ve been happily married for 4 years.

Please E-mail your posts, opinions and/or questions to Megan, at MeganCares@gmail.com

#3 - Posted by Anonymous

It sounds like you got lucky. I am still in a frozen mode. I can’t explain my feelings to anyone. Because I feel worthless and lack self esteem, people run from me. I don’t want to meet anyone. I want to sleep all day. I don’t care about eating and since I live alone, I don’t worry about showers, a clean house or anything that a normal person would do. I have gone to a psychiatrist and all I get was one medication after another. I’m tired of taking medication and feeling no different. I’m almost glad that I’m sad. Someone mentioned sex. I couldn’t have sex under any condition. I have become totally detached from friends and family. I suppose if I were married, I wouldn’t be. I’m not sure I really want help. If you’ve been depressed you know that the last thing you have is trust. I don’t trust doctors or anyone else because all I get is, “I’m very sorry you’re feeling down”. Feeling down? I want to die. If anyone has hit the lows that I’ve hit, help me understand how to break this free fall.

Please E-mail your posts, opinions and/or questions to Megan, at MeganCares@gmail.com

#4 - Posted by Anonymous

I’m sorry you have let yourself free fall. I’m sorry because I felt the same way. I had gone to several psychiatrists and they all had the same story. If it wasn’t a new medicine, they listened like they understood. How could they understand if they weren’t depressed? I had one psychiatrist tell me that he could empathize. What the hell does that mean? I felt like a guinea pig. Every week was a new prescription. I knew the pharmacist better than I knew my mother. Finally, I ran into an old friend from school. I didn’t have to say a word. She knew I had changed. We were close friends at one time so she was bold enough to ask me what happened to that happy-go-lucky girl that she knew. I told her that the person she once knew had died and I was trying to bury the person standing in front of her. From nowhere, she told me she was suffering from a cognitive depression. I’m not sure she even knew what she was talking about but our suffering was identical. The only difference in our lives is she agreed to subject herself to electroconvulsive therapy or better known as ECT. Plain and simple it was shock treatments. I had heard about ECT but resisted. I don’t know why but I did. What she made me realize was that if I wasn’t frightened to take my own life, why wouldn’t I make one last attempt and pursue ECT. To make a long story short, she became a sponsor to me as one has when they go to AA. She persuaded me to go for ECT treatments. I haven’t done it yet but I am seriously thinking about it. I know it’s my last resort.

Please E-mail your posts, opinions and/or questions to Megan, at MeganCares@gmail.com

#4 - Posted by Anonymous

I’m happy to hear that someone else might be having ECT. I was at the bottom. I lost my family, job, home, and friends. There was nothing else to lose. The slippery slope had no bottom so before I took my final step. I got an opinion on ECT. I agreed to go for it. Now, let me tell you the absolute truth about ECT. Psychiatrists haven’t had it but they tell you what to expect. Here’s what to expect. You are unconscious while they place electrodes around your brain. They actually shock your brain to a point where you have a seizure. It’s not a long process and since you are asleep, you don’t feel anything. When you wake up, you have forgotten the last week or two. On occasion, I have regained that window of time that most people lose. When the procedure is complete, you feel quiet and calm. In a few days, you begin to feel like you’re getting better. Unfortunately, you have to have these treatments as much as three times each week for a period that varies. In my case, it was 6 weeks. There are still periods of my life that I have forgotten but I am feeling better. I feel like I can face my problems as long as I do it at my pace. The downside of ECT is that you have to go back for maintenance. We haven’t talked about that yet and quite honestly, since I’m feeling better, I take one day at a time. It sounds worse than it is and it did help me.

Please E-mail your posts, opinions and/or questions to Megan, at MeganCares@gmail.com

#5 - Posted by Anonymous

Wow, I don’t know what’s worse being deeply depressed or going into a seizure. While I have given up hope, I don’t think I could imagine having my brain shocked. I’m stuck on the fact that again, the doctor never had it done to him or her. I guess that’s why I like this site. I can talk frankly to people who have gone through these experiences. And for me and because I have no self esteem, I can hide behind a keyboard. Having said that, I don’t know what to do. I don’t have any money and I don’t have any insurance that will cover mental issues. The only thing I’m sure of is the people who tell you what medicine to take or try taking you back in time, don’t know squat about what you’re feeling. I feel like I have been locked in chains and someone has thrown away the key. I cry for no reason. How can you explain that if you haven’t gone through a depression? I’m hoping that someone out there can understand how I’m feeling so that they can reach out for me and talk the same language that a depressed person speaks. I don’t want to talk to a doctor. I need to speak to someone who is or has been there. Can someone out there help me?

Please E-mail your posts, opinions and/or questions to Megan, at MeganCares@gmail.com

Continued on page 2

I care about you Dealing with Depression

Depression only know by those who suffer from depression. Talk to others who either suffer from or have been cured of depression. .(Pg 1) (Pg 2)